Scary Movie
by pupeez4eva
Summary: Wherein Shisui spends his time haunting video tapes and crawling out of television screens, and Itachi is the unwilling object of his affections. A sort-of-really-weird Ring!AU. Shisui/Itachi.


It takes Itachi a while to process exactly what has happened, and by that point, the guy has already crawled out of his television screen, and is dripping water all over the floorboards.

Strange-Guy (as Itachi has dubbed him) stares at him. Itachi stares at Strange-Guy.

"Oh shit, not again," Strange-Guy curses.

Itachi continued to stare.

"How do you feel?" Itachi values his personal space (except when it comes to Sasuke, because cuddles from his little brother are the best thing _ever),_ and this guy is getting uncomfortably close. Itachi would have probably told him to move if he wasn't too preoccupied with the fact that Strange-Guy had literally _crawled out of the television._

"Do you feel faint? Panicky? So fucking terrified that you're about to have a heart attack and die?"

"…No."

Strange-Guy cocks his head to the side, looking confused. "Oh. That's good then."

"You…came out of my television." Itachi is starting to get his thoughts back together, and he quickly confirms the fact that this situation makes no sense whatsoever. Also, these are very expensive floorboards, and Strange-Guy is dripping water everywhere. Mom will not be happy.

"…Are you _sure_ you aren't about to keel over?" Strange-Guy's brow furrows in concern. "Because people usually die when they see me. Well, not as of late apparently, but you know…hey, you're kind of cute."

Itachi blinks, because seriously — what?

"Mind if I sit down? Being dead kind of sucks. I don't get many soft couches to sit on."

Itachi gestures numbly towards the couch. He supposes getting water on the couch would be better than getting it all over the floorboards. Easier to clean up…he'd have to do that before the next morning, or his parents would not be happy. Mom had only recently had the carpet ripped out and replaced with floorboards, and — did he seriously just say he was _dead?_

"Yes."

Oh. So he'd spoken aloud. Well then.

"Yeah… _so_ sorry about this," Strange-Guy says, sounding genuinely apologetic.

Up close, Itachi can't help but notice that Strange-Guy doesn't exactly look bad for a dead person. Completely soaked through, and a very pale, but if he hadn't just crawled out of the family television, Itachi honestly wouldn't know that anything was wrong (he'd be a bit concerned about the stranger sitting in his living room, and probably would have called the cops, but 'ghost' certainly wouldn't have crossed his mind).

"I didn't ask for this, you know? One day, I'm walking home, and that asshole Danzo comes up behind me, knocks me out, and throws me down a well. Why? Because he's a psycho. And apparently thinks that _I'm_ the dangerous one — so _what_ if I had psychic abilities, and maybe terrorised him a few times. He was a _creep_ okay? And I didn't have complete control over them. Plus, _I'm_ not the one who killed someone. Well. Back then anyway. And even after that, they were all _complete accidents."_

Itachi stares.

" — so yeah, anyway, I'm floating in that well — I _hate_ water, dammit! — and I'm stuck in that thing for _seven days_ before I finally kick the bucket. Seven days. Floating in a well. It's enough to make anyone crazy."

"Oh," Itachi says. Well, that explains a few things.

Strange-Guy nods. "On the bright side, it gave me plenty of time to think about things. My friends, my family, that maths assignment that was due the next day but I hadn't finished yet — oh, and it gave me _plenty_ of time to think about how much I _hated_ Danzo. And I'm just lying there, thinking of ways I can destroy him. Maybe he'd be walking past, wanting to admire his work, and he peer into the well, and then — bam! I grab a rock from the water, and throw it at his head. Or maybe I'd shoot him this _really_ evil smile — like evil okay? Look at this."

Strange-Guy smiles. All it does is make him look a bit constipated, and if Itachi wasn't so damn confused, he might have laughed. Instead, he just nods slowly. Strange-Guy smiles (normally this time, thank God), pleased by the approval, and returns to his odd tale.

"And then he'd be so damn scared, he'd trip and fall in, and I'd kill him. Which would be amazing. But then I realised — all these plans relied on Danzo coming to _me_. Why shouldn't I just go to him? Which is when I came up with my brilliant plan: I'd trap myself in one of the tapes in his stupid video collection, and then kill him when he decided to watch it."

Itachi blinks. "As you do."

"I know, right? So I'm sure this is going to work, it's a completely fool proof plan, but then, guess what? Turns out the asshole has donated the entire collection to charity. So, next thing I know, I'm crawling out of the television — apparently there's this 'seven day' wait period too, thanks to how long it took me to _finally die —_ and this obese lady takes one look at me, screams, and dies from a heart attack."

"…Oh."

Itachi should probably be freaking out right now. Then again, he's never been quite normal, so he supposes sitting still, and listening as the ghost continues his insane tale, is an acceptable response.

" — And then it _keeps happening._ People keep watching that damn tape, and they all die. I mean, I get that some dude crawling out of their television would be scary and all, but I seriously don't mean for this to happen." He pauses and squints at Itachi. "…You _sure_ you're not going to die?"

"No. I feel fine." Itachi feels proud of the fact that his voice hasn't trembled at all. And then, because he's suddenly making the connection here, and if that's the case, he is going to _kill_ Hidan — "er…you said something about a tape?"

Strange-Guy perks up. "Yeah. I'm guessing you watched it?"

Itachi resists the urge to groan. Yes, he was definitely killing Hidan.

...

A week prior to Itachi's strange encounter, he and his friends gather in Hidan's living room. The tape his friend has scrounged up from god knows where — he claims he grabbed it from the local video store, but Itachi highly doubts that — is playing, and they all sit, staring blankly at the screen.

"…I thought this was supposed to be a crime drama, un," Deidara says, as a strange boy dances around in his underwear on the screen.

"I think it's a porno. A really fucking weird porno," Hidan says.

"Told you we should have just watched 'The Hills Have Eyes'," Anko grumbles.

"…This is _definitely_ a weird porno."

Anko shakes her head, while Kakashi hums thoughtfully, and Tobi fiddles with that weird mask of his. "If that's the case, then I want less underwear and more — ugh, is that a dead cat?!"

Cries of disgust fill the room.

...

"…I was a really bad driver okay?" Strange-Guy says defensively. "I didn't see the cat!" He then pauses, cocking his head to the side. "Wait, so that was your group of friends?"

"What?"

"I visited them right before I came here, and — they all had really weird reactions."

Itachi wonders if he should be concerned about his friends, but it doesn't sound like anything bad has happened, and honestly, Strange-Guy really isn't so bad for a supposedly malevolent spirit.

"Yeah, the blond one threatened to blow me up. And then there was another guy, wearing a mask? A really ugly mask by the way. He kept saying he was a "good boy" and crying, except…I'm pretty sure he was faking it. I know real fear, and that guy was _not_ scared."

Yes, that definitely sounded like Tobi.

"The guy with blue hair tried to hit me with…I think it was a paper machete sword?"

"Kisame. He made that thing in art class back in elementary school, and still keeps it around. He calls it Samehada."

"…Weird. Seriously weird. Oh and then there was the other guy, who kept complaining about them making "weird extreme 3D movies" before a live action version of something called "Icha Icha"?"

Itachi nods. "That sounds like them."

He silently curses them for not warning him.

"So…" Strange-Guy leans forward, looking hopeful. "Mind if I hang around for a bit?"

Itachi leans back. "What?"

"Being dead is lonely," Strange-Guy says, and then actually pouts. "Plus, I don't see many cute guys. There was this one guy, but I wasn't too sure — he was too busy dying for me to really figure out if he was my type or not."

Itachi blinks. This is the strangest situation ever, and he briefly considers if he should maybe be a bit more concerned. There is a ghost sitting in his living room. Who has admitted to killing people in the past (accidentally or not, that's still a point of concern).

"…I must be really ugly huh?"

It'd probably be easy to process this if Strange-Guy stopped talking.

"No? You're…not." He hopes that's an appropriate response. Dead or not, his mom still raised him to be polite, after all.

Strange-Guy grins. "Okay, I really like you! Say — what's your name?"

"Itachi."

"Weasel? Awesome." Then the hopeful expression is back on Strange-Guy's face. "Okay, what would you say about watching the tape again?"

Itachi says nothing.

"Oh come on! Look at how great we get along!"

"…I don't think that would be a good idea," Itachi says at last.

Strange-Guy gives him a wide-eyed look, and his lower lip juts out. Itachi mentally bashes the part of him (the small, small part) that finds it cute. "Please? You're seriously the favourite person I've ever haunted!"

"They all _die."_

"Yeah, which is why you are _awesome!_ Plus, you're a lot less intimidating that your weird friends." He grins. "So? What do you say?"

Itachi bites back a sigh, and nods. "Okay." He has no intention to do it of course, but what the ghost doesn't know can't hurt him. Or Itachi for that matter.

Strange-Guy's grin widens. "Yeah? Awesome! See you next time Itachi!"

Itachi smiles weakly, and (he hopes) convincingly.

Strange-Guy lets out a small squeal. "So cute!"

 _'Dear god, what?'_

"Oh, and I'm Shisui by the way!"

And that is how Itachi first meets Shisui.

...

He wakes up a few hours later with his throat parched. He walks downstairs, gulps down some water, and is almost ready to go upstairs, and go back to pretending this night had never happened, when he notices that the living room light is turned on.

He makes his way over, his body tense. He walks inside and briefly relaxes at the realisation that it is only Sasuke and Naruto, who was staying over for the night. Itachi opens his mouth to tell them to go back to bed — there is a time for watching movies, and a school night (or school morning he supposes) is not one of them, and someone has to be the responsible brother — when he notices what is on the screen, and bites back a groan.

He'd forgotten that Kakashi and Kisame had dumped the tape in his bag, trying to hide it from Hidan, who'd been demanding that they play it again, and see if "the weird, creepy phone guy" (the "seven days" message they'd received moments after watching the tape should have been an indication that something was wrong) called again, or that Itachi had dumped it in the cabinet under the television, intending to give it back to his friend the next time he saw him.

Apparently Sasuke and Naruto had found it, and had decided it was a good idea to watch the damn thing. Itachi seriously should have given it back to Hidan when he had the chance.

"Oh my god, is that creep in his _underwear?"_ Naruto yelps.

"…Is that a dead cat?"

"What _is_ this? I thought you said this was a rom-com, teme!"

"…Shut up! I never said that!"

Itachi decides that it is way to early to deal with this.

...

The phone rings a few moments later.

Sasuke picks it up. "Okay seriously, _why_ are you calling at this time — no, this isn't Itachi."

Itachi watches apprehensively. He's fairly certain he knows who this is.

"…What the hell?" Sasuke pulls the phone away from his ear, and stares at it, he's brow furrowed in disbelief. "This guy just said, "tell Itachi I'll be taking him on a date in seven days." Ni-san, is there something you're not telling me?"

Itachi's eye twitches.

...

A week later, Itachi sits in front of the television, with Naruto and Sasuke flanking him on either side. He'd all but demanded that Naruto spend the night, which received no protest, since Naruto spent most of his time at the Uchiha house anyway. Itachi decides that there was no way in hell he was risking leaving his brother and Naruto alone. Sure, he doesn't expect either of them to drop dead at the sight of Shisui, but he isn't taking any chances.

Sasuke keeps shooting him concerned glances. Itachi realises that he probably should have come up with an actual excuse, rather than telling his brother the truth — his claim that a ghost would be crawling out of the television screen that night hadn't gone over too well.

Naruto, on the other hand, was grinning excitedly, and clutching a large bowl of popcorn.

A moment later the television turns on, and Shisui crawls out. Sasuke, who has just taken a sip of his drink, spits it out, while Naruto's jaw drops open.

Itachi sighs. Really, it's a bit anticlimactic, but he isn't going to complain.

Shisui stands in front of them, once again completely soaked through, and dripping water everywhere. Itachi was prepared this time, and a large rug covers the area around the television.

"Oh wow," Shisui says, looking at the startled group, "you're not dead. I must be losing my touch." He sounds incredibly happy about this. His eyes roam the group, and land on Itachi. He grins. "Hey cutie!"

Sasuke drops his drink.

Itachi thinks, _'well then. So much for the floorboards. Again.'_

"Oh my god," Naruto breathes, his eyes wide. "So cool…"

"Okay seriously, what the fuck?" Sasuke demands. "Who the hell are you?"

"I'm dead," Shisui tells him.

Itachi bites back a sigh.

"So…" Shisui glances over the trio, looking slightly concerned. "You guys aren't going to die right? You don't feel weird? Like you're about to go into cardiac arrest from the sheer horror of seeing me?"

"But you aren't that scary!" Naruto protests. "Sure, you're hair looks like someone dunked you in a toilet, but I'm not going to die over that or anything. Maybe Sakura and Ino would though, they are weirdly obsessed with hair…"

"…People are seriously weird these days." Itachi briefly wonders if Shisui has any room to judge; after all, he hardly seems like the sanest person around.

"I _know_ right?" Naruto says.

"Dobe," Sasuke says flatly. "You're talking to a dead guy."

 _"…So_ cool!"

Yes, Sasuke and Naruto will be fine. Now that the initial shock has passed, Sasuke looks almost bored as he stares at Shisui. Itachi wonders if he should be concerned — surely his little brother should have better self-preservation skills than this, and what if this had _actually_ been something dangerous — but he decides that Sasuke is smart enough to know what real danger is. Also, Itachi will destroy anyone or anything that tries to harm his brother, so in that regard, Sasuke doesn't have to worry too much.

"So," Shisui says, wondering over. "Boys. Nice to meet you, and so happy to see that you're alive — as weird and confusing as that is — but mind giving me some time alone with Itachi over there?"

Itachi gives him a flat look. Shisui grins back, undeterred.

"You want me to leave you _alone_ with my brother," Sasuke says, in his best 'no-way-in-hell' voice. "You. A fucking _ghost_ , if what you've just said is true. Who has probably killed people, with the amount of time you spend asking us if we're going to die."

 _"Accidentally."_

"Do you need help solving the mystery of your death?" Naruto interjects, with far too much enthusiasm in his voice. "Because that'd be _so_ cool! We'd be just like Batman!"

Shisui waves his hand, shaking his head. "Nah, I already know who killed me."

Naruto pouts. "Aw. Well, what _can_ we do for you, dead guy? To help you move on?"

Itachi decides to intervene, before this goes on any longer.

"It's fine, I'll talk to him."

"Itachi…he's a _ghost."_ Sasuke glances pointedly at Shisui. Itachi resists the urge to groan, and simply nods his head.

"Okay seriously, there is just something weird about the way you guys are reacting," Shisui says, squinting at them. "Shouldn't you be more…afraid?"

"Dead guys have feelings too, you know!" Naruto yells, and Itachi winces. He needs to remind Naruto to keep the volume down. The last thing he needs is his parents waking up. Explaining this would be far too much work.

"Well yeah but…are you _sure_ you're not going to die?"

He receives two flat looks, and one enthusiastic head shake.

"…Just double checking."

Itachi sighs, shaking his head. He turns to Sasuke, who is staring at Shisui with a mixture of disbelief and wariness.

"It's fine, Sasuke," he says. "I'll…get rid of him."

Sasuke continues to stare at Shisui for a moment longer. Itachi fully expects him to argue. This is Sasuke after all, and his little brother has always had a bit of a protective streak. But finally, Sasuke nods his head and says resignedly, "this is so weird. _SO_ weird." He then walks out of the room, with Naruto in tow (the blonde shooting Shisui and Itachi a wide grin over his shoulder as he leaves).

"So…" Shisui watches them leave, his expression bemused. "Cute kids…"

Itachi shrugs. "My little brother and his probable-future-boyfriend."

"Aww, young love."

"I know."

Silence.

"Soooo…" Shisui stares expectantly at Itachi.

"Leave," Itachi says.

"…Huh?"

"You're scaring my brother and Naruto." Itachi gives Shisui his best 'don't fuck with me expression' which usually works — he's been told he can be a pretty intimidating guy when he wants to be.

It doesn't seem to be working on Shisui though, who remains completely unruffled. "Really? Because they didn't look scared."

"Okay, _what_ do you want?"

"I dunno…" Shisui cocks his head to the side thoughtfully. "We could watch a movie maybe?"

Itachi stares.

Shisui shrugs, and sounds almost defensive as he says, "hey, other than the video I regularly crawl out of, I haven't watched anything good since I died! Have any good comedies come out recently? I love a good comedy."

"…Fine. We'll watch a comedy." And then Itachi makes sure to glare slightly, because he is in no way _okay_ with this. He's just agreeing so he can get rid of the dead guy.

Shisui grins. "Ha! Yes! I knew you loved me!"

(It was _just_ to get rid of the dead guy. That was all).

...

There was no way he was watching that video ever again. _Ever_. He'd finish off this movie — some rom-com from Sasuke's secret stash (which his brother had no idea Itachi knew about, and would probably fervently deny the existence of if he was ever asked) that he had already forgotten the name of — and then Shisui would leave, and Itachi would burn that tape. At that would be the end of it.

Now if only Shisui would stop talking.

" — because it's lonely, you know? Being trapped in that thing all day, with literally nothing to do — whenever you meet someone, they die — "

 _'…NOT watching that video…'_

" — so lonely. I just miss being alive — "

 _'Not doing it, not doing it, NOT doing it!'_

" — being here is kind of nice, you know? Kind of feels like I'm just a normal guy…"

 _'NOT — '_

"…a normal, _alive_ guy…"

 _'…Dammit.'_

Itachi sighs, turning to Shisui. "Want to come over again next week?"

Shisui stops abruptly, and turns to Itachi, his eyes wide. "What?"

Itachi sighs. "I'll watch the tape again. Just…try not to drip water all over my floor again."

(He doesn't sound nearly as resigned as he thinks he should be).

...

A week later Shisui crawls out of the television screen, and drips water everywhere.

"Hey cutie!"

Itachi waves, and reminds himself that he is only doing this out of the goodness of his heart. Also, this would _not_ become a regular occurrence. It was just a one time thing.

...

After the fifth week, he decides to stop trying to convince himself that this wasn't a regular thing.

"Aren't you going to have any?" he asks Shisui, gesturing to the large bowl of popcorn that sat between them.

"Hmm?" Shisui glances at it, and then shakes his head. "Oh no, I can't eat. You know, being dead and all."

"…Then _why_ did you keep whining until I made these?"

"Because you can't have a movie night without popcorn!" Shisui looks and sounds incredulous.

Itachi sighs.

...

"Itachi _why_ is the dead guy in our living room again?"

Itachi says nothing.

"Itachi?" Sasuke presses.

"…I don't know Sasuke." Itachi slumps deeper into the sofa, and Shisui shoots him a beaming smile. "I honestly don't know."

...

It's a few weeks later, and by this point Itachi has all but accepted that Shisui won't be going anywhere anytime soon. Sasuke seems to have resigned himself to this fact to, because other than the odd complaint about "that dead guy", he doesn't really bring the issue up much.

He's also accepted that he maybe, kind of, doesn't mind having Shisui around. Just a little bit. And he _might_ miss Shisui if he stopped coming around. Again, _just a little bit._

It doesn't mean that Shisui isn't _strange_ though, but Itachi thinks he's mostly grown accustomed to all those odd habits. Then Shisui turns to him, grins brightly, and says, "so, does this mean we're dating?" and Itachi decides that, _no, no he hasn't._

"…What?"

Shisui shrugs. "Well we have regular movie dates, and you let me call you 'cutie' — "

"You won't stop!"

" — and last week we held hands and you didn't push me away — "

"I didn't know it was your hand," Itachi protests weakly.

"…Itachi my hand is practically an ice block."

Itachi averts his gaze, refusing to look at Shisui.

"…You blushed." And oh, Itachi can practically _feel_ Shisui grinning.

"The room was warm," Itachi insists, still looking away.

"Not with me pressed up against you."

"…You were sitting on the _other end of the couch."_

"Was that what happened?" Itachi glances up, and sees Shisui smirking slightly. He glares back, but the ghost seems unbothered by this. "I don't think it was. Otherwise Sasuke wouldn't have gone running out of the room."

"He saw a _ghost_ sitting on the couch and, quite reasonably, got scared." It's a weak excuse all things considered, and Shisui picks up on this immediately.

"Itachi, this is Sasuke. Whenever he sees me, he just calls me "Dead Guy", and then gives me a threatening glare."

"We aren't dating," Itachi insists.

Shisui pouts, and folds his arms across his chest. "Is this because I'm dead? Because I know it's a bit of a barrier, but some people have it a lot worse. Long distance relationships — serious drag, let me tell you. I tried it once. Oh, and what about when one of you is allergic to cats, but the other person _has_ the cat, and then you need to move in together, but how do you do that, unless you get rid of the cat — "

"Shisui."

"…Besides, it's not like anyones's going to judge you. You're friends are insane, and you're apparently socially inept, so…"

"I'm _what?"_ Itachi interrupts incredulously.

"Oh yeah." Shisui nods. "I was talking to Kisame."

"…What." Because seriously, how the hell did Shisui know _Kisame?_ Other than their brief first meeting of course, but Itachi didn't imagine they'd had enough time for an actual conversation.

Shisui shrugs. "Yeah, he accidentally watched the tape. Apparently he found it when he was over here, and thought it was a porno. And then got pissed when he realised it wasn't."

Yeah, that sounds like Kisame. Also, he _really_ needs to hide that video tape. It'd be very hard to explain to his parents if he didn't. And then there was the fact that most people apparently died after watching it, and while Itachi has no doubt his parents were tough as hell, and that his mother would probably do more damage to Shisui if she found out he was the one dripping water all over her floorboards and furniture, he isn't risking it.

(And then there's the part of him that really doesn't want to share Shisui with anymore people than he needs to. And that…well. He's not sure what to do about _that)._

"Anyway, he tried to hit me with that paper machete sword of his again, but after we got that out of the way, he made himself a cup of tea, sat down, and we had a nice chat."

Itachi stares.

"…You're still my favourite though. Cutie."

"Shisui."

"Yes?"

Itachi stares for a moment longer, and then turns back to the television.

"You know I'm holding your hand right now?" Shisui tells him.

Itachi says nothing.

...

"Naruto, I think my brother is dating a ghost," Sasuke says, as he and Naruto peer into the living room.

 _"…SO_ cool," Naruto breathes.

 **...**

 **AN:**

 **I…REALLY don't know how I came up with this lol. But hopefully you enjoyed it. Tell me what you think!**


End file.
